Sizzle Bop Questionnaire

This is a questionnaire I completed for Carol Barnier who ministers to parents of "sizzler" children. She is the author of "How to Get Your Child Off The Refridgerator and On To Learning" and "If I've Just Diapered a Watermelon, What Did I Do With The Baby?". She has her own website at www.sizzlebop.com.


What special needs are represented in your family?
I have an eight year old daughter who is currently in therapy for developmental vision issues, coupled with sensory integration issues (Sizzler #1). She has problems with focus/concentration and hyperactivity (she's a lot like Anne of Green Gables, actually). She would probably be diagnosed ADHD although I have never personally pushed for this clinical diagnosis, because I prefer to approach her issues from a therapy/coaching standpoint and wait for her to mature at her own pace, rather than medicating her for everyone else's comfort. In addition, we are beginning to suspect that our younger two children--ages 4 and 2--(Sizzlers #2 and #3) are also suffering from sensory integration dysfunction along with hyperactivity (either that or they are following the example and behavior patterns of their oldest sibling, we're not sure which yet). Needless to say, we are one sizzling and bopping family!

You probably didn't go into marriage planning on parenting a special needs child. How has this changed you?
It has humbled me more than you can possibly imagine. It has made me a more sensitive person towards my children, and also towards other parents and children who have behavioral issues. I remember being the prideful one who declared (before parenting sizzlers) that "my child(ren) would never act that way. I would train them better than that." HAHAHAHAHA!

What is the hardest part about having a special needs child in your family?
The amount of energy that these children (and especially my oldest now that she is "school age") require is just incredible. Sometimes I feel that there is nothing left of me for anyone else, including my husband (Sizzler Senior) and younger children (who are also sizzlers). Also, how it has limited my contact with the outside world. Going too many places requires more energy than I have at this stage in life.

How might your spouse answer that question?
I know my wife is doing the best she can. I am a "Sizzler" myself, so I somewhat understand what she has to go through. But, it would be nice if there was more of my wife leftover for me at the end of the day.

What might the child's siblings answer?
We don't get enough of Mom's attention. Why does she spend hours working with Sizzler #1?

What blessings would you say you or your family have gotten from this experience?
We have learned to enjoy more family togetherness times alone and at home, rather than going out as much with other people. We have learned to be very selective of our friends and extracurricular activities. We have learned to depend on God daily to fill our cup and meet our needs, rather than depending as much on other people. We have learned flexibility (more than we wanted actually). We have been blessed with humility and laughter and good times we would have missed if not for having sizzlers. One unexpected blessing is that it has also given us a ministry of encouragement and hope to other parents of sizzlers.

What would you say to a mom who says, "One child takes all my energy. How do I give the other children equal time?Unfortunately, I still struggle in this area, myself. Having multiple sizzlers with very different personalities, I keep thinking that if I can just get Sizzler #1 off to a good start, then I will have time for the others. But, I am beginning to realize that with a Sizzler, the process may never actually end (although after beginning vision therapy a year ago we really are seeing vast improvements--so maybe? the end is in sight). For now, I specifically schedule individual time with my other children when Sizzler #1 is busy doing something else. Sometimes she tries to force her way in, but I lovingly and firmly set limits at that time. Her feelings are hurt by this, but my other children need to understand that Mom is there for them too and that they are special, as well. I have verbally and specifically explained what I am doing to Sizzler #1, so that she understands that she should show love to her younger brother and sister by not "stealing" Mom from them when it is their time with her. ).

What do you know now that you wish you had known way back when?
I don't know it all and that's OK. Learning to parent Sizzlers (as with any other children) is a process, and I will make mistakes. God forgives me when I ask, and I am constantly going to my children to seek their forgiveness when I mess up. Fortunately, young children are very forgiving.

Especially in the homeschooling community, there is a higher standard of behavior for children (as there should be). There are going to be loving, Christian homeschooling parents (and other family members) who will never understand or appreciate your sizzlers, because God has given them a different cross to bear (maybe it's pride--lol). Just understand that whatever their burden may be, it is different than yours and learn to forgive them and show grace, as you hope and wish they would do for your children.

Some people will always believe that if you just tried the wonderful techniques that succeeded with their perfectly angelic children, yours too would become angelic. Realistically, sizzlers are never going to be like other children. You can work with them, and there can be improvement, but the grading scale has to be different. I have lost friendships and scaled back on others because of my children, but God is perfectly able to fill any gap left by the loss of these friends.